(nginggris mania) for the oldest

One day i used to think about my self..
What will i be?
A soldier, police, civil employee?
Or nothing!!
That all is parents dream, people dream, but not my really dream!!
But i realize.
Maybe my dream will never come..
I'm the oldest,
i have to be what my parent want..
I have to be an example for my bro n my sis..
I have to find a big fuck salary..
I have to be a strong man..
I have to be a family's backbone
And another "i have to"
what the fuck it is??
I'm just a man..
An ordinary man..

Can u feel it??
Can i just throw all fuck pressure that have come to me?
I know i must do all of my duty..
But please help me!!
When people said to me "hei! You're the oldest, you've to . . . ."
can u feel it?
When all damn pressure come to me as soon as a jet..
They hit me, they don't care about my feel, they don't know about me!!
How pain i am?
But they just pass away.
Because they're not the oldest..

The day is keep going on!
But my opportunity will be lost day by bay!!
What will i be God?
Can i success?
Or just to be a little fuck damn shit man...
All of that depend on me!!
God!!
Please help me!!
Actually i want,
i really2 want to be what my parent want!!
I swear..